The May Firm

March 1, 2008
Welcome to The May Firm Newsletter!
As a service to our clients, we at The May Firm and Divorce Magazine are pleased to provide you with this monthly e-newsletter and hope that the information and articles contained within are helpful, supportive, and entertaining. Michelle May O’Neil is nationally recognized as a leader in family law. Her firm emphasizes high-quality representation in family-law matters, with a particular emphasis on child-custody disputes, complex marital-property litigation, and appeals of family-law matters. For more information, please click here: www.DivorceMagazine.com/TX/pro/may.shtml or view our website at: www.themayfirm.com.

If you wish to schedule an appointment to further discuss your situation, please contact us.

Useful Articles:
1. CHILDREN AND DIVORCE: Within a child’s heart
2. MEDIATION: A fair negotiation
3. DIVORCE RECOVERY: Full esteem ahead
4. RELATIONSHIPS: Sex and divorce
5. BUSINESS VALUATION: How will you find value?
6. FINANCIAL PLANNING/INVESTMENT: Charting your expenses
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1. CHILDREN AND DIVORCE
Within a child’s heart
A glimpse into the journey one boy faced when his parents divorced.
http://www.divorcemag.com/articles/Children_and_Divorce/childsheart.html
2. MEDIATION
A fair negotiation
Negotiation skills will help you achieve your needs without alienating or angering the other parties. Here’s how to use negotiation to build better interpersonal relationships.
http://www.divorcemag.com/articles/Mediation/negotiation.html
3. DIVORCE RECOVERY
Full esteem ahead
Reclaiming your self-esteem after divorce is a critical part of the healing process. Here are some suggestions to help you on your way.
http://www.divorcemag.com/articles/Divorce_Recovery/full_esteem_ahead.html
4. RELATIONSHIPS
Sex and divorce
Coping with divorce and the prospect of new sexual relationships can be emotionally challenging, to say the least. Here’s a look at some of the pitfalls and opportunities up ahead.
http://www.divorcemag.com/articles/Relationships/sexanddivorce.html
5. BUSINESS VALUATION
How will you find value?
Many business owners realize the importance of having buy-sell agreements in place for their closely held businesses, but few realize the problems that can arise if these agreements have not been properly thought out.
http://www.divorcemag.com/articles/Business_Valuation/determining_the_price.html
6. FINANCIAL PLANNING/INVESTMENT
Charting your expenses
Here’s some help with the task of budgeting for your family’s past, present, and future expenses.
http://www.divorcemag.com/articles/Financial_Planning/chartexpenses.html

Tags: Newsletter, Business Valuation, Children's Issues, Divorce Recovery, Financial Planning by Michelle
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In my previous post, I discussed the difficulty in gauging a win or loss in divorce. Most people feel that there are never any winners in any divorce and mostly everyone loses, no matter the outcome. But, there are some ways to make any divorce a little easier.

Approach the divorce from a logical perspective.

It is often the emotion — hurt feeling and unmet expectations — that cause people to have difficult and messy divorces. Obviously, some divorces have issues that must be fleshed out and will be messy out of necessity. But other divorces can be made much easier if both parties can set their emotions aside and approach the issues involved in accomplishing the divorce from a logical perspective. Separate the causes of the divorce — who did what that made the divorce happen — from the issues such as division of property or sharing parenting responsiblities.

Shift your perspective from one of spouses to one of business partners.

You may no longer be able to have a loving, married relationship, but, if you have children, you will continue to be partners well into the future. After the marriage ends, approach your relationship with your ex-spouse as if you were in the business of raising children. Ignore things that do not directly relate to that business and focus on the task at hand. There will be many issues that need your cooperation, from discipline, dating and driving, to report cards, curfews, and colleges.

Educate yourself on your assets and debts.

Knowledge is empowering. No matter whether your marital estate is small or large, negative or positive, knowing the nature of your assets and debts will help you make smart decisions about a fair division. Each spouse may have different interests in what property and debts they have after the divorce. One spouse may value retirement assets more highly, where the other spouse may want disposable cash assets now. One spouse may be more interested in maintaining the house, and the other spouse may be more interested in taking a business interest.

Look at the divorce from the other spouse’s perspectivie.

Evaluate what interests your spouse may have in the divorce. Seeing things from a different perspective can provide a broader insight to creative solutions. Often, by seeing things through the other spouse’s eyes, you find that both have the same ultimate goal. Maybe both share a common goal of providing for the children’s college education — this can provide common ground for negotiation.

For assistance with your divorce in North Texas – Dallas, Collin, Denton, and Tarrant Counties — call The May Firm and schedule an appointment to discuss how we may be of assistance to you.

Tags: Divorce, Clients, Divorce Settlement, Divorce Recovery, Financial Planning by Michelle
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I’ve written recently on the very important topic of children’s issues in a divorce. Recently, I was pointed to another version of a children’s bill of rights located at DivorceHQ. Remember that this isn’t a “law”, but only guidelines for putting the children first.

We the children of the divorcing parents, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish these Bill Of Rights for all children.

1. The right not to be asked to “choose sides” or be put in a situation where I would have to take sides between my parents.

2. The right to be treated as a person and not as a pawn, possession or a negotiating chip.

3. The right to freely and privately communicate with both parents.

4. The right not to be asked questions by one parent about the other.

5. The right not to be a messenger.

6. The right to express my feelings.

7. The right to adequate visitation with the non-custodial parent which will best serve my needs and wishes.

8. The right to love and have a relationship with both parents without being made to feel guilty.

9. The right not to hear either parent say anything bad about the other.

10. The right to the same educational opportunities and economic support that I would have had if my parents did not divorce.

11. The right to have what is in my best interest protected at all times.

12. The right to maintain my status as a child and not to take on adult responsibilities for the sake of the parent’s well being.

13. The right to request my parents seek appropriate emotional and social support when needed.

14. The right to expect consistent parenting at a time when little in my life seems constant or secure.

15. The right to expect healthy relationship modeling, despite the recent events.

16. The right to expect the utmost support when taking the time and steps needed to secure a healthy adjustment to the current situation.

If you are in need of a Dallas Divorce Lawyer who will help you put your children first, please contact us for an appointment.

Tags: General, Divorce, Children's Issues, Divorce Recovery, Health & Wellbeing by Michelle
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Sometimes one spouse decides the marriage is over before the other spouse accepts the new reality. I find that the attorney acts as a counselor as much as a legal advisor in discussing the break up of the marriage with a client who has not yet accepted the reality of the divorce. Often spouses want to attempt reconciliation instead of getting a divorce. As I have said in previous posts, I always encourage my clients to explore every possibility of reconciliation. However, at some point I also encourage my clients to accept reality that it is just time to move on. People, for whatever reason, often find it difficult to just bluntly state how they feel, resulting in mixed messages — I just can’t decide if I want to reconcile may, in fact, really mean I don’t want to reconcile but I’m too much of a coward to just come right out and say that. I encourage my single friends to read He’s Just Not That Into You by Greg Behrendt (see excerpt here). Although the content may not be as applicable for married people looking at divorce, the overall message is the same. We deserve to have someone in our life that wants to be there, not someone who says “I might want you if you changed” (or insert other excuse here). After all, as Behrendt sensibly puts it, “if a (sane) guy really likes you, there ain’t nothing that’s going to get in his way.” Oprah even made it one of her chosen books. To purchase the book from Amazon.com, click here. (No I don’t get anything from recommending this book… just my own personal viewpoint.)

Tags: General, Divorce, Reconciliation, Divorce Recovery, Health & Wellbeing by Michelle
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Continuing with the discussion last week about helping children cope with the reality of divorce, here are ten tips for divorcing parents, from the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers:

Ten Tips for Divorcing Parents

Divorce is never easy on kids, but there are many ways parents can help lessen the impact of their break-up on their children:

1. Never disparage your former spouse in front of your children. Because children know they are “part mom” and “part dad”, the criticism can batter the child’s self-esteem.
2. Do not use your children as messengers between you and your former spouse. The less the children feel a part of the battle between their parents, the better.
3. Reassure your children that they are loved and that the divorce is not their fault. Many children assume that they are to blame for their parent’s hostility.
4. Encourage your children to see your former spouse frequently. Do everything within your power to accommodate the visitation.
5. At every step during your divorce, remind yourself that your children’s interests – not yours – are paramount, and act accordingly. Lavish them with love at each opportunity.
6. Your children may be tempted to act as your caretaker. Resist the temptation to let them. Let your peers, adult family members, and mental health professionals be your counselors and sounding board. Let your children be children.
7. If you have a drinking or drug problem, get counseling right away. An impairment inhibits your ability to reassure your children and give them the attention they need at this difficult time.
8. If you are the non-custodial parent, pay your child support. The loss of income facing many children after divorce puts them at a financial disadvantage that has a pervasive effect on the rest of their lives.
9. If you are the custodial parent and you are not receiving child support, do not tell your children. It feeds into the child’s sense of abandonment and further erodes his or her stability.
10. If at all possible, do not uproot your children. Stability in their residence and school life helps buffer children from the trauma of their parent’s divorce.

To download a pdf of these tips, click Ten Tips for Divorcing Parents.  

If you need the advice of a Texas Board Certified Family Law Specialist, please contact us for an appointment.

Tags: Divorce, Clients, Children's Issues, Divorce Recovery by Michelle
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Tags: Divorce, Newsletter, Children's Issues, Divorce Recovery, Financial Planning, Health & Wellbeing by Michelle
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