Often children feel out of control during the transition of a divorce since the decision to divorce was not their choice nor made based on their feelings. Studies have shown that many children would prefer that parents continue to be married and live together rather than make the decision to get a divorce. This is understandable since children love both of their parents, they have trouble understanding why the two people they love most in the world don’t also love each other anymore. The divorce will create a lot of change in the child’s life, which will make him feel unstable.
One of the best things you can do for your child in going through the divorce is to given them confidence that the new situation will be okay and they will get used to it. For example, both parents should be involved in the conversation with the child where the divorce is discussed. Emphasize that both parents still love the child just the same. Explain the process of what is about to happen. For example, explain that the child will continue to see both parents, just at different houses. “Instead of both of us living at one house, you will have two houses from now on, one with Mommy and one with Daddy, and you will spend time at both houses.” Also encourage the child that it is okay to continue to have contact with both parents and give the child the freedom to call the other parent and talk to him/her whenever the child wants to.
Most importantly, do not talk negatively about the other parent to the child or where the child can hear. From the child’s viewpoint, he or she is made up of “half of Mommy and half of Daddy”. If Mommy thinks Daddy is bad, the child may translate that to the child being half bad. The child deserves to have a good relationship with both parents, even when the marriage fails. One judge gives the example, “Having an affair may make a bad spouse, but it doesn’t necessarily make a bad parent.”
Katherine R. Sookhoo has a good blog post on the impact of divorce on children at the Pennsylvania Family Law blog.
The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers lists the Children’s Bill of Rights when the parents are not living together:
Every kid has rights, particularly when mom and dad are splitting up. Below are some things parents shouldn’t forget — and kids shouldn’t let them — when the family is in the midst of a break-up.
You have the right to love both your parents. You also have the right to be loved by both of them. That means you shouldn’t feel guilty about wanting to see your dad or your mom at any time. It’s important for you to have both parents in your life, particularly during difficult times such as a break-up of your parents.
You do not have to choose one parent over the other. If you have an opinion about which parent you want to live with, let it be known. But nobody can force you to make that choice. If your parents can’t work it out, a judge may make the decision for them.
You’re entitled to all the feelings you’re having. Don’t be embarrassed by what you’re feeling. It is scary when your parents break up, and you’re allowed to be scared. Or angry. Or sad. Or whatever.
You have the right to be in a safe environment. This means that nobody is allowed to put you in danger, either physically or emotionally. If one of your parents is hurting you, tell someone — either your other parent or a trusted adult like a teacher.
You don’t belong in the middle of your parents’ break-up. Sometimes your parents may get so caught up in their own problems that they forget that you’re just a kid, and that you can’t handle their adult worries. If they start putting you in the middle of their dispute, remind them that it’s their fight, not yours.
Grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins are still part of your life. Even if you’re living with one parent, you can still see relatives on your other parent’s side. You’ll always be a part of their lives, even if your parents aren’t together anymore.
You have the right to be a child. Kids shouldn’t worry about adult problems. Concentrate on your school work, your friends, activities, etc. Your mom and dad just need your love. They can handle the rest.
IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT AND DON’T BLAME YOURSELF.
To download a pdf copy of the Children’s Bill of Rights, click Children’s Bill of Rights.
If you are in need of a Texas divorce attorney, please contact us.
Tags: General, Divorce, Child Possession, Clients, Children's Issues by Michelle
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