The May Firm

A study released today shows that men and women in happy marriages have lower blood pressure than single adults with supportive friends/family.  But, unhappily married adults had higher blood pressure than either happily married adults or single adults.  High blood pressure leads to a greater risk of cardiovascular problems.

The next step in the study is to research whether improving a troubled marriage can lower the blood pressure for married people.

 To read the article, click here.

Tags: General, Reconciliation, Health & Wellbeing by Michelle
No Comments »

Sometimes one spouse decides the marriage is over before the other spouse accepts the new reality. I find that the attorney acts as a counselor as much as a legal advisor in discussing the break up of the marriage with a client who has not yet accepted the reality of the divorce. Often spouses want to attempt reconciliation instead of getting a divorce. As I have said in previous posts, I always encourage my clients to explore every possibility of reconciliation. However, at some point I also encourage my clients to accept reality that it is just time to move on. People, for whatever reason, often find it difficult to just bluntly state how they feel, resulting in mixed messages — I just can’t decide if I want to reconcile may, in fact, really mean I don’t want to reconcile but I’m too much of a coward to just come right out and say that. I encourage my single friends to read He’s Just Not That Into You by Greg Behrendt (see excerpt here). Although the content may not be as applicable for married people looking at divorce, the overall message is the same. We deserve to have someone in our life that wants to be there, not someone who says “I might want you if you changed” (or insert other excuse here). After all, as Behrendt sensibly puts it, “if a (sane) guy really likes you, there ain’t nothing that’s going to get in his way.” Oprah even made it one of her chosen books. To purchase the book from Amazon.com, click here. (No I don’t get anything from recommending this book… just my own personal viewpoint.)

Tags: General, Divorce, Reconciliation, Divorce Recovery, Health & Wellbeing by Michelle
No Comments »

The most common reasons a marriage fails include: changing life priorities, lack of communication, financial stress, and lack of loyalty to the spouse. Statistics show that husbands and wives spend three to four times more time watching television than communicating with each other. Unfortunately, many divorces have issues of infidelity, but my experience is that other issues preceded and lead to infidelity.

When I meet with a potential client for the first time, I always explore whether the marriage is irretrievably broken or whether reconciliation remains a possibility. If reconciliation is an option, I encourage my potential client to fully pursue those options before proceeding with the divorce. Divorce litigation can be very disasterous to a future relationship and destroy any chance of putting the pieces back together.

When both spouses are committed to making a permanent, lasting changes, a heartbroken marriage can be repaired. Here are some tips for rescuing your marriage before it’s too late:

• Remind yourself of the reasons you fell in love with the other spouse in the first place.
• Become best friends — treat your spouse as the most important person in your life.
• Accept your spouse as he/she is, without demanding changes.
• Don’t involve third parties — your mother, sister, best friend, co-workers — in your marriage.
• Take lemons and make lemonade — turn hurdles into opportunities to strengthen your relationship.
• Admit your mistakes.
• Be a positive influence in your spouse’s life; don’t say negative things to your spouse in public or private.
• Disagree respectfully without personal attacks or bringing up issues from the past.
• Be a problem solver, even if it means you don’t “win” the argument.
• Create opportunities to laugh together.

Although I am a Dallas divorce lawyer, I would rather spouses reconcile than to go through divorce and that is the advice I give my clients.

Tags: Divorce, Reconciliation by Michelle
No Comments »